Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven"t even touched your tooth yet.

　　Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.

　　His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I"m not dead. I"m still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

FUNNY.。。。

呵呵．．．

　　Father: Oh, Jack, you have slept away the whole morning. Don"t you know you are wasting time?

　　Jack: Yes, Dad. But I"ve saved you a meal, haven" I?

　　Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?

　　Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.

　　Father: What"s that got to do with it?

　　Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I"m going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I"ve got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven"t. I"ve just dropped it.

　　One day,Eve asked Adam,"Do you really love me?"

　　Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"

　　Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper,80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol.

　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation,all These people eat meals.

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　The squad were having “visual training”. One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so faraway that the men appeared as mere dots， but unhesitatinglythe recruit replied：

　　“Sixteen men and a sergeant，sir.”

　　“Right；but how do you know there's a sergeant there？”

　　“He's not doing any digging， sir.”

　　Workman：“Mr.Brown，I should like to ask for a small rise in my wages. I have just been married.”

　　Employer：“Very sorry，my dear man， but I can't help you. For accidents which happen to our workmen outside the factory, we are not responsible.”

　　Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost £50, so he went to the shop to have a look.

　　After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement." "Yes, sir," answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It's an extra."

　　"Not included in the price of bicycle?" Tom said angrily, "But that's not honest. If the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there."

　　"Well, sir," answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?"

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

FUNNY

GOOD JOB, MADMAN